Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
