When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You made out with two different species that night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
