I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
