Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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