I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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