I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
