I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
