and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize