I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
