So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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