If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
