in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
