I love black thongs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
