It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
