I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
