i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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