she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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