she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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