would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
