Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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