I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
