Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
