I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You smell like stripper and shame
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
