I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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