Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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