you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
