As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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