I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
