i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
