I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
