She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
