Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
