Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
