My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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