He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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