I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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