Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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