New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
