How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
