sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
