My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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