I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
