I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
