So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's blow job season.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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