I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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