A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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