Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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