Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
