DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
