Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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