my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
