You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize