sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
