Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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