Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
