so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
