If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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