You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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