I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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