New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
