Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
