I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
