I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
