sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
