you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
