He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
