Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize