dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
