i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
