You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
