your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
