My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
