Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
